Single, Married, Available, or...

"Satan, it would seem, does not act in an arbitrary manner when trying to tempt us. Rather, he is more of a master hunter carefully setting traps, or a skilled fisherman who carefully studies behavior in order to choose the most effective bait. Satan is calculating and clever."
   ~ Msgr. Charles Pope, in First the Bait, Then the Hook – a Sober Meditation on Temptation

I was in a conversation with a young, Catholic friend just the other day.  This young man is, by all accounts, a solid Catholic, committed to purity and chastity in accord with his current single state in life.

At one point in our conversation, Tom (not his real name) was referring to an exchange between himself and another young Christian, and said "I told her I wasn't single..." (though, to be sure, he is indeed single). Perhaps he meant that he wasn't presently looking for a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship.

The more I have mentally replayed and considered this part of our conversation, the more concerned I am about what I see as a subtle and dangerous trap being set against Catholic young people (and against all Christians) regarding sexuality, marriage, chastity, purity, and the single state.

As I thought about this, I recalled hearing similar statements from good, Christian, young people; referring to themselves as "not single," even though it was clear they were not married.  I've also heard young people say "I'm single again," even though they have actually been single their entire lives to that point.  And, of equal concern, I have seen such young people list themselves on Social Media as "Married," though they are single. Finally, some have described themselves, saying "I'm available," in response to which one might ask, "Available for what, exactly?"

Here are my main points of concern regarding this particular incursion  of secular humanism into Catholic Christian culture:

1. It is an attack on marriage.  This re-defining of "single" and "married" serves to desensitize us as to what these terms have always meant -- especially as to how they have traditionally been used and applied in the Teaching of the Church.  It follows then, that it is also an attack on the single state, on celibacy, and ultimately on chastity and purity.  It subtly, or not so subtly, encourages a belief that being single is a negative situation in need of remedy -- or at least something to hide from view ("I'm not really single right now").  As pertains to Chastity and Purity, if one is "not single," then is it really wrong to indulge in those things rightly reserved for married persons? Satan loves to blur the lines.

2. It is, further, an attack on the Indissolubility of Marriage, taught by the Catholic Church as revealed Truth.  Again, by means of desensitizing young people, the idea of moving in and out of being "single right now," breaks down the young Christian's resistance to divorce and multiple "marriages."  By the time these young people are really and truly married, they will have already had the experience of being "single", "not single right now", "married", and "available again", many times -- so what's the big deal if this marriage doesn't work out? Satan loves rationalization.

3. It devalues the individual person, and promotes the hook-up culture.  This perversion of truth teaches young people that being single means being available.  Again I ask, available for what?  It leads young people to see themselves as being of little or no value until and unless someone saves them from their "availability." Satan loves to leave you hanging.

4. It confuses the differences and distinctions among casual friendship, dating, and courtship.  Everything becomes a "pretend marriage." See: https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/column/the-difference-between-courtship-and-dating-1276
Satan loves confusion.

I encourage everyone, especially young Catholics (and other Christians) to study Pope St. John Paul ll's "Theology of the Body."  Learn about the great gifts God has given to each of us, and the high value He places on each of us.  Learn to be thankful and joyful "in your own skin," so that you do not fall into the trap of believing that your importance and worth depend on being "not single."  

Finally, I encourage everyone to remember that "words have meaning," and there is a very real danger to our culture and even to our souls when we blur those meanings.